HAPPY 43rd BIRTHDAY

Today..I am 43..
Negatively,...
I am still homeless..jobless..not wealthy/rich..not a trillionaire..unsuccessful..unmarried..very stressful staying in Singapore..
BUT..BUT..BUT..
Positively,...
I am still breathing..so much alive..enjoying foods..smiling..laughing..growing my body wider..
The BEST part,...
it has been more than 3 years since my last attempt to commit suicide..eventhough I still choose DEATH or staying alive..Still, happy birthday to me..may I survive many more years in this PATHETIC world..
#ProudSingaporean
#StressfulSingapore
#DepressionSurvivor

LAST DAY AT D&B

My last day at work today...After this I will be at home..doing nothing??? Hehehehehe..There is always something to do at home..

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, D&B!!!!!!!!!!!

AGAIN,...I RESIGNED! HMMMMMM...

Today, I emailed my 1-week's notice of resignation..Indeed I have made up my mind regarding this matter after thinking about it last weekends..discussing with him too..which he commented,"If it is what making you happy, I support your decision.."..I love him alot for understanding..Really appreciate the way he understand my feelings..which other men for sure, will be screaming at me for quitting my job again..ahakz..

My last day will be on 28 February 2017..Six more working days to go..so, I need to focus on the pending paperworks before I can make my exit out of the firm..I dislike owing any work to the firm I am leaving behind..Indeed I will miss working at Raffles Place..but what can I do more..I need to move on..maybe better things waiting for me..

So, I am silent again at workplace..I just talk whenever necessary..I no longer wanna chat away with other staff unless it is about work..Nothing matters the most than clearing all my backlogs..I wish to leave in peace..But haiiiiiizzzzz...Not all staff understand that..especially the guy sitting next to me..thinking he has made mistakes turning me into deep silence..which nothing as sort.. I just wanna finish whatever work I have and just leave..I do not bear grudges..no matter if it hurts me deeply..which in this case, no such thing..bcoz to me, this firm is a nice working place..but maybe people here are not to my expectations or I am NOT to their expectations..especially when majority of the staff here are Malay-Muslims..which indeed suffocated me each time I remember the situation..ahakz..I am NOT anti-Malay-Muslim..I just not so used to have too many Malay-Muslims around me..*Ngada-ngada kan aku nie??? Hehehehehe*..Still, I do not wish to create any fuss or any mess with anyone in the workplace..especially when it is going to be FORMER workplace on 1 March 2017..

Anyway, I just enjoy bits of moment in this firm..It was just an interesting experience working here..Now I understand that medical professionals also get into legal trouble..whoahahahaha..Also, now I know what to do if any medical issues arise in my life..especially after a surgery or long term treatment..also, after cosmetic treatments..

MY OFFICE BECAME A CHILDCARE CENTRE

Since yesterday, the office I am currently in became a childcare centre..Gosh! It is not the babies irritated me the most..it is those people who are 'ooooohh gagaaaaaa..so cute'...seriously as if they never seen a baby before..C'mmon, people..all babies are cute..including those baby monkees at the zoo..Give me break, can???

My other friends from other firm commented,"Why the mother did not apply for leave instead if the babysitter is not available??? Mothers have extra leave to care for the young child, you know"...I could only sighed and more sighed..what more can I do..right???

I ran away from my parents' house which is like a childcare centre to be at work but it goes back to square one..I am annoyed today..People, stay away from me!!!!

MY MEN...I FOUND THEM..

So, he asked me,

"What kind of man do you preferred??".

My replied,

"A man who DOES NOT use the 'power of veto'..who is NOT a DICTATOR..".

He was like,

"Huh?? I don't get you..".

I replied,

"I am interested in a man who knows when to step back and let his woman leads..a man who does not treat his woman like sex slave and domestic servant..a man who is loyal..a man who knows how to treat his woman like A HUMAN BEING..a man who knows when to SHUT UP..a man who knows how to STOP being possessive..a man who knows how to trust and love unconditionally..

Frankly speaking, I am not interested in a man who are always talking about himself..always him, him, him..Truly at this age, I need a man to be my best friend, lover and boyfriend..NOT a husband who only knows how to dominate and dictate my life..Telling me this cannot do, that cannot do..I am at the age where marriage does not mean anything great to me anymore..".

He commented,

"Where to get such man..who does not need marriage???"..

My replied,

"I found such men..One in Singapore..One in USA..One in France..They love me..and they are ok when I told them NO MARRIAGE.."...

He said,

"Wow! Lucky men..Don't you think it is a waste of time loving a man who will never marry you??"..

My response,

"Correction..Not a man who will never marry me..It is me who never marry any men..That's the trend..I am happy to have those men loving me..no string attached..Do you want to be one of the men in my love collection?? I can get you listed..as the latest lover in my life.."..

His response,

"Sounds interesting..but sadly, I am married..haiiiizzzz.."..

My comment,

"Pity then.."..

HELLO, MONDAY..

So, it was Monday again..After the series of bashing here and there in my life at work as well as at home, I woke up this morning..I am alive..whoahahahaha..so, I was back to work again..YES! I felt like quitting but again, I need the money to stay alive..and stay away from the thoughts of committing suicide whenever I have no money..YES! Some people committing suicide bcoz of not married..no partner to love..not pretty..not skinny..I only thinking of committing suicide bcoz I have no money..Money is very important to me in life..bcoz I love to eat, travel and shop..So, I cannot live without money..I need money..

After work while waiting for my bus to go and meet my "cousin", I looked up at the sky and again, I asked GOD to send me some money..NOT alot..just Singapore Dollars $50,000..yeah..S$50K..If not, a miserable S$10,000 will do too..

What I am going to do with such money???

If I get S$50K, I would give my "cousin" S$10K..I told her but she said it is too much..OK..ok..S$5,000..I owe her a SALVATORE FERRAGAMO's purse/wallet..since last 2 years but still, I am not in Florence, Italy to buy it at the warehouse sale..I do feel bad now and then that I still failed to make her wish to own a SALVATORE FERRAGAMO...so, that S$5K will be hers..Then, the balance S$45K...hmmmm..I want to go backpacking around Asia..I just want to meet new people..learn new cultures & traditions..

Lastly, maybe just S$10K for my short course in makeup artistry..in Singapore as well as at overseas..I also want to learn baking pastry at London - that basic course around S$1,000..hmmm..beautiful baker I will be..ahakz..

Still until this entry was written, GOD has not send the money I asked..saaaaaaaaad!!!! I hope so much GOD will consider my request..I need the money URGENTLY!!!

ANOTHER ROUND..OF..CONVINCING ME..

Today..before the day ends at work..Ms M called me in..regarding the same thingy..their intention to transfer me out to another department - IP..But as what I have told my two bosses at previous meeting..I am repeating myself again today..I am not interested in learning IP..AGAIN..Yes! At last I admitted that I have worked in IP department before..I had nightmare throughout my employment in that department..Yes! At first I was eager to learn what making my MJ famous of..but at the end of that employment, I realised that I am NOT my MJ..I am sorry, my dear..I am NOT YOU!!! Eventhough that firm paid me ALOT..best part - alot of Caucasian white men around me at the office, I still quit due to me having nightmares..almost every night! I am NOT the tough cookie of IP..whoahahahaha..

Again, I was hinted - this time by Ms M that my employment might not be confirmed either at the end of my probation period or at the soonest..maybe after the Chinese Lunar New Year..or after the staff on maternity returned to work..I assured Ms M that I will be ok..if the firm has to let me go..eventhough I cannot deny that the economy in Asia especially Singapore is not that GREATEST..but still, I know that I will find something to do as a job if I have to leave this current firm..Like my Arab "cuzzin" always said to my face,"You can always get a new job..as long as..working is what you want to do in life..The problem is that you always want to take a looooooooong break from employment..but HEY! You survived such situation..No surprise to me bcoz I always know you will survived..but to some people out there, indeed your survival surprised them.."...

So on the way home - I told my Arab "cuzzin" about my meeting with Ms M..What my Arab "cuzzin" comments??? She commented,"I believe you have made the right decision this time bcoz you aint say "CAN DO" then the next thing I know - you quit the job..like that IP job..Gosh! You let go of your big paycheck and white boss whom you claimed to be a hottie..That's CRAZY! Worst, you accept that IP job bcoz of MJ..wanna prove him wrong..WHAT WERE YOU THINKING ah girl??? CRAZY! Don't worry now..You will always find something to do as a job.."...

Indeed, next I aimed to join security industry..WHY??? I just need something new from LAW..hmmmm..I better save up for that 7-days security course..whoahahahaha..I LOVE MYSELF..I am proud to make my stand AGAIN, today..

Case closed..
Court adjourned..

UPCOMING SATURDAY...

Going to watch Mr Vin Diesel...
"xXx: The Return Of Xander Cage"..

SHE FELL DOWN..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday, she fell down at the market so, the whole entire day of yesterday she was in bed suffering asthma attack. That's what happened when she got shocked over something. That's why too I rarely share any major problems in my life with her - I just DO NOT WANT her to worry for nothing.

Back to her fall yesterday.

I told her..so many times NOT to go to the market which located around 3-4 bus-stops from my place ALONE..but as usual, she NEVER listens. At 70 and with her NOT SO GOOD health condition, I cannot simply agreed to allow her to go anywhere alone actually but I cannot keep her "imprisoned" at home, can I??

HER DEFENCE:
He did boarded the same feeder bus as her but they went separate ways upon alighting from the bus.

I could only sighed bcoz WHAT MORE CAN I SAY or DO, right??? One party refused to listen..Another party refused to be sympathetic and caring towards others..WHAT MORE CAN I SAY or DO??? Tell me..

Earlier today - morning..She claimed still having the asthma attack and feeling weak. I told her AGAIN (for umpteen times before this) that she SHOULD NOT go to the market ALONE..Wait until the weekends or someone CARING ENOUGH to be available to accompany her to the market. Also informed her that the 2 fridges in the kitchen are already full of foods so, NO NEED to worry about anyone dying of starvation at home..If there is any death due to starvation at home, that person is either on CRAZY CRASH DIET or on PROTEST for nothing or just being FUSSY EATER..

Added to that I told her to GIVE UP on her "BABYSITTING SERVICE" if she still CANNOT recover from her sickness at the soonest. JUST GIVE UP..She sighed..more sighed..SADLY..I know she is sad..I know she will NEVER GIVES UP on her "BABYSITTING SERVICE" bcoz that's her favourite pastime..

Some people commented that being SINGLE & UNMARRIED is an easy life..no problem..THEIR CUCKOO HEAD aaaaah!!! My life is NEVER an easy life..GET IT???!!!

I REST MY CASE!

MY BILLS..

I received called for an authorised bill collecting agency of a telco informing me that I have defaulted my repayment for the bill in November 2016..and needed to pay $243.60 inclusive penalty charges. Now is January 2017 - they waited for 2 months to call me to inform such news??? Hmmm..I am wondering what's going on here..If I have missed that November's repayment, shouldn't they call me up in December 2016??? The best part is that I made repayment for the month of November 2016 earlier - on 28 October 2016.

MY AGREEMENT WITH TELCO
$100 on every 1st of every month with effect from 1 August 2016 without any interest as I have terminated the contract. If I make another repayment of the same amount on a later date in the same month, that repayment is meant for the next following month as I might not be free to make payment on 1st of the following month so, I made repayment in advance. It was agreed and noted by the telco representative.

My closest pal who is a debt collector informed that such payment is considered as payment for the month of October 2016 and not November 2016..I was like - WHAT??? If I made repayment of the said amount twice the month which in my case, it was on 1st and 28th of October 2016, it is only by rights - the another repayment (on 28 October 2016) should be meant for the next following month which is November 2016. I did not defaulted any repayments so far..Whether I only left with $100 in my purse or not, I still proceeded with the repayment..even if it caused me to skip lunch or bring my own foods for lunch..My debt always come first in my budget.

Luckily, I did not get HEART ATTACK upon receiving that phonecall and luckily too, I kept all receipts in file!

AFTER I DIE..THE DIALOGUE..

Some people:
What do you hope for others to say after you die?

Me:
Not others..I don't care about others..I only hope someone closest to me will say this after my death..

"Days towards her death, she did changed alot..She mellowed down alot..She has lived a private life for years beforehand..Towards the last days of her life, she was more jovial and happier..Always excited..Her face was glowing as if she was going on a first date..

On that Friday - the last day of her life, she managed to see another sunrise with her most sweetest and widest smile on her face..That's her favourite - seeing sunrise..

As Friday went towards late morning, she said that she was very sleepy so, she fall asleep in her bed..That's the last time she was seen alive..She passed away peacefully..She looked so peaceful..as if she was sleeping and not dead..

At last her last wish and dream came true..to be dead on Friday bcoz she once said that she loves Friday all her life..and also, she was born on Friday..

Lets stop talking bad about her..I think she has had enough all her life that people are always talking bad or questioning her actions..until she has grown tired of it..Lets just remember the good parts of her..Lets just pray for her soul to rest in peace at home with God..Ameeeen.."..

I hope my ex-Harlem will be that someone closest to say this..I hope he will be by my side on my last day being alive..like he has always been there for me whenever I needed someone to be by my side all these years..If this hope of mine comes true, may he be blessed with more greatness in life..Ameeeen..

Some people:
*Shocked*

FRIDAY AT NANDOS

When out after work for dinner with my Arab girlfriend..It has been awhile since the last time we had Nandos..at Plaza Singapura. So, Friday was a feast time for us. We ordered the Meal Platters..Indeed very fulfilling.

BACK TO WORK...

Back to work...what again..after a looooooooooooooong holiday, I felt NO MOOD to work..but then, I remembered my last debt to settle..I woke up, showered, got dressed and off to work..Draggiiiiiiiiiiiiiing myself to work...Whining away - WHEN WILL I BE RICH??? whoahahahahahaha..indeed I was crazily blues..despite it is Tuesday and NOT Monday..pweeeeewwiiiitttt...whoahahahahaha..

NEW YEAR 2017

GOOD BYE, 2016..
WELCOME IN, 2017..
HAPPY NEW YEAR to the world..to all humans..
The world is aging..indeed!

As like in 2016, I have NO new year's resolution..WHY?? Bcoz I always failed to stick with those long list of resolutions I made..Whoahahahaha..Since year 2008, I have NO new year's resolution..even though I have hopes which the same almost every new year..ahakz..

MY HOPES..

May the new year be better than the past year..
May everything will be greater and more beautiful than before..
May life be more happier than before..

Nothing new (Wawa's famous dialogue..Wawa is my lil niece..LoL..)

Ate chapati on new year..yum yum..

FRIDAY..THE FIRM WAS CLOSED!

Friday..Two days before New Year 2017..The firm closed..So, I spend the day outside..with my lil boss, Ah Ben..my 4 year old nephew..who currently crazy over double-decker bus..whoahahahaha..He would love those red London buses..those double-decker buses..

So, where did we go???

We went to the Suntec City Shopping Mall..one of the GIANT shopping mall in SG..Indeed before that, we have to wait for awhile for the double-decker bus..Upon reaching the Suntec City Shopping Mall, we had our bites on Krispy Kreme's mini doughnuts..Heaaaaaaven..hehehehehe..eat one - NOT ENOUGH..Luckily I bought a dozen..plus Ah Ben's rainbow sprinkled doughnut..ahakz..always requesting for his SIGNATURE doughnut..

Then, we went to Toys R Us..not a great idea..when broke..Almost all those guns and Lego he wants me to buy for him but..neeeeaaaaayyyy..Lego was out of the question as my mom - his granny warned "NO MORE LEGO.."...whoahahahaha..looked at his pity face really made me laughed..which of coz, he was frustrated 1) not getting LEGO..2) I was laughing at him..Then, he showed me a toy gun..more like a machine gun or bazooka..Helloooooooooooo..During my childhood, there was not such toy..Thought of buying that machine gun or bazooka lookalike for myself but my mom commented,"Stop it..Your SUPER SOAKER is still collecting dust on top of your wardrobe..Not enough???"..Haiyaaaaaaaaa..This is the problem living with parents..I cannot buy all those toys for myself..But when Ah Ben wanted it, I coaxed him to believe that it was too big for him..and..surprisingly, he agreed!

Lastly, I just bought him some cartoon figurine..looked like astronaut whatsoever..nowadays' kid..weird looking toys are their favourite..After the Toys R Us, we went to have light lunch at BK..while waiting for my lil sister (Ah Ben's mother) to finish working..it was half day working for her..Pity..Hehehehehe..

After that all the four of us went home..around 2.30pm..Why delay??? I needed the restroom at the very last minute..Indeed, I cannot ride any bus without going to the restroom first..My habit..ahakz..

Late evening, I went out to meet my ex-Harlem..Just spending time with my ex-Harlem before it is NEW YEAR 2017..

Conclusion - FRIDAY was indeed TIRING..but a happy one..just looking at my lil boss - Ah Ben happy walking around Suntec City..and closing the year with my ex-Harlem..One day to go before it is 2017...

Cheeeeeeeerrrrrzzzzzzzzzz

PROCESS SERVER

I think something must change in the e-filing system..make it having wider option when comes to process server when e-filing court document i.e. Summons..WHY??? Bcoz sometimes - especially during the end of the year, the demand for process server is high..Like REAL, Sha..One specific process server unable to handle the demands..haiiiiizzz..

WHAT SHOULD CHANGE???

(1) During e-filing via authorised filing system, the section where the name of process server to be included - it should either be left BLANK or have a drop-down menu where more than one process servers can attempt to serve Summons.

** I did once tried to leave the said section BLANK but I was prompted that I cannot proceed to the next page (where I need to upload the CHARGES etc.) until I fill up all section on the first page. So, I just saved as a draft.**

(2) With the (1) implemented, the column (at the back of the Summons where the process server needs to endorsed upon successful attempt to serve Summons) will have wider options on who will attempt to serve the Summons and make it easier for the Office Manager to delegate assignment within the team of process servers.

This is just my tiny mini issue on process server..Seriously, I did feel bad for one of the process servers I am working with..who was unwell today..but has no other choice..has to attempt to serve a Summons bcoz it was e-filed to his name..Soooooryyyyy, bro..

LAST WORKING DAY IN YEAR 2016

Yes! The firm will be closed tomorrow, 30th December 2016..the last Friday in year 2016..So, I am not working tomorrow..but I have an appointment with my mini Boss..who loves the double decker bus..indeed going for that ride..and also, going for window-shopping..maybe lunch outside if the weather is clear..

Also tomorrow, going to meet my ex-Harlem for early New Year's dinner..whoahahahaha..rarely I spend time with him..but this year, just doing it out of boredom..when again can spend time with him..Any given opportunities I should grab for it may not repeated ever again..that's my life..something great is not repetition..something bad always repeat..HUH!

Eve of New Year, either I clean up my room..or..I go out with my ex-Harlem again for the New Year's Countdown..hehehehe..surely many people at such occasion..My dream - someday I will do the countdown at overseas..ya..ya..papaya..feeling rich indeed..But yupz! I wish and dream that someday I can celebrate eve of New Year and New Year at overseas..Ameeeen..

THREE MORE DAYS BEFORE NEW YEAR 2017..

2016..The worse year for me??? Neeeeeaaaayyyy..but not the sweetest year for me too..so, it has been bitter-sweet kinda year..Let me recall so far what happened thru' out this year..I started with something new..but again I left it as I could not stand the people around me pestering me now and then with the same question.."WHAT TO DO???".."WHAT THE NEXT STEP??".."WHAT IS...???".."THE HISTORY OF..."..blah blah blah..Really frustrated..I prefer asking questions when I am in doubt or when I need to know something which I do not know..Not having people clinging on me asking me what to be done..what this..what that..repetitiously..Once or twice is OK but almost daily basis really made me FED-UP! Huh!..

Then, there was a trip to KL..Before that I have to negotiate with the CSO of SQ just bcoz of my KrisFlyer card..I have planned to redeem it when I booked for my flight to London later this year..but I was told that I cannot do so..as it expires in March or April 2016..I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! So, what I did - booked one-way flight to KL in February 2016 - during the Chinese New Year..Very funny, right?? Ridiculous, right?? That's me..My flight was switched to Silkair when I check-in on the date I departed for KL..Haaaaaaaaaaaaaah????? Haiiiiizzzzzz..Well, it was on a 45 minutes' flight..So, I kept quiet..Luckily on my way back, I booked Premier Class of Air Asia flight..Yes! Another funny thing I did..

While in KL, I move around in Hop-On/Hop-Off bus..why? I a bit lazy to search for the places..Whoahahahaha..Yes! The ticketing person was curious and asked me where I was from..knowing that I am from Singapore, his response was,"Oh I see..That's why you are taking this service.."..Well, my craziness came from my previous trip to Sydney where I took Hop-On/Hop-Off bus to visit all those interesting places..hehehehe..Should have done the same in England and Europe..Ceeeeyyyyy...

Then, there I was like 'jakun' aka 'country pumpkin' at the magnificient KLCC Suria..did I get it right?? Hehehehe..I was not aware that the Petronas Twin Tower was next door..Helloooooo, Sha..Where have you been??? Europe?? Hehehehehe..So I asked the security for direction and how blushing I was to found the location of the Petronas Twin Tower..Whoahahahhaha..So funny lah me..

The sad part..was I sad??? Maybe??? I was not working..Seriously, I have applied many jobs but none called for interview..not until the second half of year 2016..Indeed, I was born in SG - not in Indonesia..Not in UK..Not in the States..in SG but I have no job..Hmmmmm..indeed maybe my labour was not cheap at all so, no one wants me..Still, I continued searching for job..Did asked several associations for assistance but what they can give - only 3 months' financial support in form of food voucher..HUH??? Nevermind..When I told my parents, they were not happy that I was seeking financial assistance due to my unemployment. My mom kept telling me not to do so..I should let those needy people to do so..So, my parents supported me during my unemployment..I meant they feed me with foods; NOT pocket-money..Also, once in a blue moon, my ex-Harlem brought me out for dinner..my closest friends, Bill continues emailing me asking how I was doing whereas Lynn text me at least thrice weekly..Just to keep in touch..Another closest friend, Ree Nee brought me to Universal Studio Singapore..I was so  touched to have some closest friends who still need me eventhough I have no money and no job at that time..

Late October 2016, I found this current job..which is still UNDER consideration whether the employment lasts or shortened..only knows after the staff on maternity leave comes back to work..So far, I have fully settled my credit card's bills..my iPad's bills and now I am looking forward to settle the one and only outstanding bill I have - my former handphone's bill..I hope to get it fully settled by end of January 2017..As the said staff will be back by February 2017..Whether I will lose a job or not, no longer matter to me once I have settled all debts..Not that I am not serious about my current job but bcoz I do not wanna brood too much on something which is beyond my control..If I lose it, I will find another..as I have set my mind that I need a CLOSURE for my past breakup with Paul Crispin..I will do the CLOSURE in London, England..Once I have a permanent job, I will start saving for my trip to London, England..I desperately need a CLOSURE..I need to start my life all over again..

My hope for year 2017 - as for now - May year 2017 be better than 2016..More peaceful..More calm..More happiness..More prosperous..Ameeeeen..

Signing off,
Senorita Spinster aka Ms Shasha De William

BACK TO WORK..HEHEHE..

Back to work after Boxing's Day..
Still a bit sleepy but I managed to wake up in the morning just to go to work..
Until when I work???
I don't know..until when I have to work..But as long as I still have a job - I might as well enjoy the moment of working eventhough how I wish I do not need to go to work but money keep coming into my bank account..whoahahahaha..I wished! Dream on, Sha..
Nowadays whether I love it or not, I will try my best to wake up to go to work as I need to settle my last debt in hand..Indeed I need money for that..once settled, I can live in peace..I really hope this current job I have last forever..or at least until end of January 2017 as I will make the last full and final payment to M1 by then..after that, all up to God and people in the office to decide whether I stay or leave..especially when the staff on the maternity leave will be returning in February 2017..
If I ever lose this current job, I would like to change career industry..No more legal secretarial for me..I want to do something new..Maybe back to teaching or do security or make-up artistry..Shall see what's my budget will be..I am ready for the career switch..Not that I am angry or frustrated working in law firms but I just need to change the working environment if it is possible..
So, lets wait when February 2017 comes and says "Hi"..in the meantime, enjoy the stay in this current law firm..hehehehehehehe...

Tuesday..Not singing the blues as this is a very short working week..Left with only Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday..Friday, the firm will be closed..Then, it is New Year's Eve...New Year..Can't wait to spent it with my ex-Harlem..hooorrraaaaay..

NO MORE..WAKE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO GO..MY GEORGIE..

Christmas Day..It was such a peaceful day for me in SG..In the morning I went to the market with my mom after skipping the routine yesterday..ahakz..I spend my Saturday just doing my laundry and sleeping..Really catched up with sleep..what else can I do??
Christmas, I just spend my day eating, sleeping and watching television..What more can I do, right?? I am all alone in SG on Christmas Day..

Then today, I was shocked to know that my favourite hottie - George Michael has passed away on Christmas Day..My FREEDOM man is GONE..My Georgie no longer around to entertain the world..huhuhuhuhu..Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy????

I got to know him when I saw his music video - WAKE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO GO..back in my elementary school..I meant my last year at elementary school..I love his hairstyle..It took me years to get the same hairstyle bcoz not all hairdressers were talented when layering my thick hair..then, I fall in love deeply with his song - FREEDOM! Yeah that's one of the factors that inspired me to be someone who has freedom and no longer being controlled by my tyrant lil sister and over-protected by my parents and other siblings until it caused great suffocation to me..ahakz..

To my Georgie (Please don't mind me calling you that),
May your soul rest in peace there..
You have entertained all of us greatly awesomely..
You will always be loved and missed by all people who love you..
It is indeed a get loss to lose you..
But I know that you will be ok at 'home'..
Be happy that you are 'home' at last..
Ameeeen..
We love you, George Michael..

A Christmas Day which saddened us..with the loss of such a great talent..
But it is still such a beautiful day..bcoz..George MIchael returned home to be with Lord on such a great and holy day..

2 MORE DAYS..BEFORE..CHRISTMAS

2 more days before Christmas..I have no money..to buy log cake..Gosh! I blamed it on myself..too many debts in the past until I have nothing to spare to buy those yummy log cake..haiiizzzz..my bad this year 2016..Hmmm..Hopefully my fate will be better next year..

CHRISTMAS CARD..FROM..USA

Hooorrraaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!
Finally, I received my christmas card from the States..send by William..That cheered my spirit up for the Christmas..Hmmmmm..Will I ever get the chance to celebrate Christmas with my pal??? Hmmmmm..I wish for that chance always..but looks like it never going to come true..Haiiiiiiiiizzzz...

Thank you, William for the card..He does read my blog now and then..Hopefully he will get my card to him soon...Ho Ho Ho Hoooooo

MID DECEMBER

Less than 10 days before Christmas..I still looking forward to my Christmas cards from the States..from my beloved William..Last year, I got it late or none, if I not wrong - either lost in the mail or someone in the house just throw it away..Haiiiizzzz..That's why I need my own flat to stay in..so, I can lead my own lifestyle..Haiiiizzzzzz..Still no hope of getting one..making me feeeeeeeeel like migrating..just get out of this island..hehehehehehe..Hopefully this year I get my Christmas card..Love the festive season - Christmas...not spiritually..but more to leisurely.

WHAT SO WRONG...BEING...FAT???

I have noticed that many teens out there are worrying sick bcoz of who they are..worst when their bodies are bigger than those around them..many compared themselves with those photoshopped pictures of models in front of those glamourous magazines..Many also being bullied by others who are stereotyping or judgmental or just plain anti-FAT people..Many teens were reported committing suicide just bcoz they were victims of bullies especially on internet due to this cause.

I can understand how those teens who died due to people around them being too judgmental or stereotyping or just plain anti-FAT..bcoz I have faced many discriminations thru'out my life being BIGGER (UK size 16/18) than the standard petite Asian figure/body of UK size 0-6..being the less pretty one in the family..being the average student thru'out my schooldays..except during my days in Architectural Designing school where I started to excel in my studies..hehehehehehe..

My story...
I was once desperately in need to be skinny after I completed my high school education..really desperate until I was willing to pop in slimming pills prescribed by my family's doctor..stop eating rice and other great foods..only surviving on plain water daily..eating 1 meal per day..for 2 years..Running on track becomes my pastime favourite..indeed..I managed to lost 40kg (out of 89kg) within 2 years..Yes! I was excited to be skinny back then bcoz my whole life before that, I was never skinny..or be considered skinny..I bought alot of new clothes when I lost weights..went on dating spree..got alot of attentions from the men..some women even hated me bcoz I always outshine them at some occasions..deeeeeeeerrrrrrrr..JEALOUS!

I was happy for awhile to have what I wished for but I was not fully happy bcoz being skinny is just NOT ME! I began to hate some hypocrites around me..when condemns of the past became praises at present..I also confused about who are really my friends and who are there just bcoz I was attracting alot of men's attentions and they wanted to be around me when those men approaching sexily..So, it was like living a fantasy which soon faded on me..

As I gained back all my weights when I stopped my running..popping slimming pills..starving myself to anorexia..Indeed I found myself losing more and more friends..until I ended up with only 6 friends..In Singapore - there are my ex-Harlem, Lynn and Ree Nee..whereas in USA, I have Bill and Tim..In France, there is Xavier who I see as my brother..ahakz..When I recalled my past, I actually have more than 500 friends back them..WHERE ARE THEY NOW??? I have no answer..I just let it be..So be it (That's Paul Crispin's favourite phrase..LOL..)..

Yes! When some people commented about my current figure, I did felt like punching hard on their bloody faces..but I never did bcoz..WHATEVER FOR??? I shouldn't entertain such behaviour..I can either take action and be blamed for it or walk away and just live my life at the fullest..Whether I am fat or skinny, it is always been my choice..As long as I am healthy, who are those people to question or discriminate me..I am only human..If some people condemning my figure to be the cause of me being not married - like they said,"Who is going to marry a FAT lady??"..that's their deadly mistake..bcoz even when I am in this current body, some men did approached me in public..Don't play-play..I am still worthy of someone's love..which right now - I prefer loving myself rather than wasting my time loving a man who never stays...Hmmmm..but Harlem stays..how??? Hehehehehehehe..Harlem does not have the word "BREAK UP" in his vocabulary..whoahahahahaha..also, that American William not leaving...Hey! I am FAT..but these men LOVE me as who I am..plus my FATS..

To all teens out there..Defend yourself always from being mocked by those bullies..whether you are FAT, TOO FAT, SKINNY, TOO SKINNY, PRETTY, TOO PRETTY..Remember that you are worthy..Not all humans can like/love you..Heck care..Just learn to love yourself..Stay healthy no matter what shape/size your body is..No one can loves you like you are loving yourself..

Signing off..
Shasha De William..
I am Asian..my surname is American and belongs to my pal..hehehehehehe..

*Yes! I have dated international men..from white Caucasian to African American..Yes! In this current figure of size UK16/18..I just too busy right now to go on dating spree..Excuses..Excuses..hehehehehe..*

Less than 2 weeks before Christmas..yabadabadooooooooooooo

MONDAY NIGHT

Should I pity those who bought LV bag worth $20,000 to $40,000 just bcoz they were looked down at their workplace and trhreatened going to lost their job???

Should I pity those driving MPV to work just bcoz their management threatened to terminate them if they do not work overtime often?

Should I pity those who were threatened termination if they take too many sick leaves aka MC??

Should I pity those who change their furnitures at home every 3 months just bcoz the management questioned their capability to do their work??

Should I pity those who has own business - company earning $40,000 monthly just bcoz they need to save up to send their children to overseas for study??

Should I??

Then, who is going to pity me who has NOTHING in this world except a FAT body??

Who is going to pity me when I have no job..???

Who is pitying me right now bcoz I have no place of my own to live independently??

Who is pitying me if I say that what those people are encountering is the same as what I am encountering at work - NO SECURITY OF EMPLOYMENT???

Who is pitying me when I was told MOST PROBABLY my employment will not be confirmed bcoz I do not wish to learn TRADEMARKS and transfer to its department??

WHO IS PITYING ME???!!!!!!

Let me say this - NO ONE PITIES ME..that's the bitter fact in my life..I have NO ONE pitying me except my parents who have no other choices but to pity me bcoz I am their child..if I am others' child, I can assured you that I would be living by the street as a homeless in Singapore..hehehehehe..So, why should I hear or listen to others' bitter encounters at workplace and sympathise when NO ONE is doing the same towards me..

WHY SHOULD I BE THE KINDHEARTED ONE???

Why can't I be the heartless one???

That's what happened on Monday night when my mother started a conversation about my lil sister's bitter encounters at her workplace..JUST PAMPERED!..And she wanted to have a "CRYING" session with me..which I managed to stop IMMEDIATELY with my piece of mind..Yes! STOP! Just STOP IT! To me - if my lil sister lost her job even, she has a HUSBAND to feed her..if her employment is terminated due to her always taking sick leaves aka MC, she has herself to be blamed for it to happens..

Why must she always share this kind of thingy to our mother..???

Can't she STOP making our mother worry for nothing???

I just do not know why..

I told my mother off that I DO NOT NEED to hear or listen to anything about my lil sister and other siblings' issues in life..I DO NOT NEED extra burden or things to worry/think about in my life..bcoz I have my own to worry and think about..I have NO HUSBAND or SUGARDADDY to feed me if I lost my job..I have to face it MYSELF and solve it on my own..I cannot rely or depend on anyone to handle everything concerning my life..I have my own bitter encounters at workplace too but I DO NOT share with my mother..FOR WHAT?? For her to worry for nothing?? For her to condemn me more for being such a FAILURE in life?? FOR WHAT, right??!!

I just walked away into my bedroom after I said what I meant to say..She just looked at me with her sad eyes..She knows how I dislike her talking about my siblings..Please lah, people..Please lah, siblings..Please lah, family..DO NOT SHARE any issues aka bitter encounters at workplace with me expecting me to listen whereas none of you even listening to my fair share of bitter encounters at workplace..Shooooooooooooooooo...STFU!!! Whoahahahahaha..Hehehehehehe..

*11 days before it is Christmas AGAIN..May my Christmas cards reached United States of America soooooooon...Miss my American Pie...Bill..hehehehehehe...*

MOVIE - SUNDAY - MALEFICENT

Picture belongs to an unknown online site

Sunday..Flu subsided..I managed to update my "manual" personal diary..That's for me to know and for others to find out..whoahahahahha..I have alot of past diaries..when I read it all, I just laughed..some parts I did cried..especially the part when I broke up with Paul Crispin..Very saaaaaaaaaad..but nevermind..that's the past anyway..

So, Sunday - today at last..YES! At last I watched the movie - MALEFICENT..indeed a great movie which my former buddy Zul refused to accompany me to watch..notty boy..hehehehehe..The movie was great..bcoz I love Angelina Jolie..I am adventurous like her but I am not as skinny like her..I am NOT blessed with atheletic body..deeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrr...But I love what she did..those charity..those adopted children..If only I am as rich as her, I would adopt alot of children from those under developed countries..despite skincolours..At least she was once "Mrs Brad Pitt"..but me, I am no one's MRS..that the difference..I would love to jump out of a plane..mountain climbing..ride scrambler..that's my very first love of motorbike - scrambler..but again, I have no riding licences..huhuhuhu..I also would love to learn how to shoot..ride a horse (Are you crazy, De??? You are too heavy for the horse..ahakz...Bluek!!!)..also, besides my love for Ferraris, I love Jeeps..those 4-wheeled bulky vehicle which can drive thru' desert...kekekekekeke...

Now I know who is MALEFICENT..If I am her, I do not curse the child..I would just kill the father (King Stephen)..and curse him with slow death..whoahahahahahaha...*evil laugh*..Indeed when it is painful to be betrayed in love..by the person you trust alot..deeeeeerrrrrrrrr...Hmmm..still, none of my exes are cursed or dead mysteriously so far..THEY ARE SO DAMN LUCKY!!!!..or I am just TOO KIND not to seek revenge against them..hehehehehehehe..

Anyway, I did enjoyed the movie..I would watch it over and over again..no doubt about it..Next time around, I would have a bucket of ice-cream to accompany me..yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy..

Signing off,
Shasha De William..

WHAT A LOVELY SATURDAY!!!

It is Saturday again..Thanks God I did not need to accompany my mother to the market as my parents going to my last brother's new place for a feast..

ME???

I just stayed at home sleepiiiiiiiiiiiing..how nice! That's another great part being unmarried as I do not need to wake up early bcoz no child is crying waiting for me to feed him or her..and no husband grumbling about me being sleepyhead during the weekends..Seriously if I have my own place to stay, maybe I would not even be out of my comfortable bed..but as I still living at my parents' place, I am always being awakened by my mother who would banged my bedroom's door at noon..just waking me up..haiiiiizzz...the bad thing in my life - I HAVE NO PLACE TO LIVE ON MY OWN AND ALONE!

So, today was so peaceful..I even managed to read 5 Malay novels in a day..CRAZY, right??? That's just me..but I am happy to be crazy over reading novels rather than crazy over some assholes out there who are just wasting my time by giving me empty promises and false hopes...hehehehehehehe..Back to my Saturday..I ate the Ginger Snap which Lynn bought for me..Thank you so much, Lynn..I ate it alot..while reading my novel..

Why I read novel eversince my unemployment?

To me personally, by reading I can slower the process of my brain being frozen..whoahahahahha..indeed, I always remind myself that unemployment is not an excuse to become STUPID! That's why at every unemployment, I would made a point to visit the nearby public library to borrow some books..I am entitled only to 8 books for 14 days..used to be entitled with 16 books but I no longer pay the premium membership of $40 annual due to my employment..By visiting the public library during my unemployment also allowing me to be out of my house and move around..rather than stay in bed mourning for my rotten fate in life - being jobless..be depressed and suicidal..I just make a point to be a bookworm...ok..ok..a VERY FAT Bookworm..hehehehehehe..I am CUTE, ok...

Books are my favourite since I was only a child..eversince I was eligible to be library member..hehehehehe..I read all sorts of books..depending on my mood at that time..ahakz..Eversince I started working, I have my own book collection at home..yeah..a mini library for myself..While others spending money on cigarettes, alcohols and drugs, I spend most of my salary on books..Indeed I am a bookworm inside..despite the fact I am also a workaholic and shopaholic - I love shoes!

That's why too I have no time to go on dates or mingle with men out there..Sorry, guys..hehehehehehehe..I know many said,"No one is really busy..It is all about priority"..Indeed my priority is what I love and enjoy doing in my current life...indeed to be on dating spree is no longer my interest..I always get bored meeting new people especially men..Men also get bored meeting me bcoz when I am bored, I am very quiet and totally shut off - not bothered about my surroundings..Again..sorry, guys..hehehehehe..that's how I stay unmarried, single and no boyfriend in particular..I am more interested to stay in bed during the weekends..relaaaaaaaaaaaaaaax...sleeeeeeeeeeepiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing..rather than going on dates..whoahahahaha...

ESCAPED FROM GRENADE..

Yesterday Ms G asked me whether would I consider been transfer to Trademarks Department..I was like,"Oh shit..NOT Intellectual Property.."..indeed IP has been my nightmare working in law firm all these years..My response was,"I don't think so..I am not interested in IP.."..shoooo, IP, shoooooo..Still, Ms G promoting it as something new for me to learn..I firmly replied,"No"..She just could smiled faintly..

After that mini meeting, I was called by Ms K..in relation to the same matter..Reasons for transfer are there is an opening at the said department and my refusal might affect my chances of having my employment CONFIRMED..I sighed..WHY ME??? WHY this kind of things ALWAYS happening to me in life??? Haiiiiizzz..I took a deep breath first before responding to Ms K..My reply,"I dislike promising something which I know I cannot deliver..To me personally, I do not wish to be someone who said "Can Do" but the very next working day, I am MISSING IN ACTION..I just want to work in what I am comfortable of..However, if my refusal to accept transfer is going to affect my journey in working as a secretary in this firm; I am positively looking forward to have myself let go..officially and honourably..I do not wish to create any troubles at workplace..especially at this age.."..Ms K expressed her worries in regards of my employment not being confirmed..I assured her that there's nothing to worry about..as I will be ready when it happens..I can always hunt for another job..be unemployed again rather than I give troubles to others in the said department..be miserable for NOT refusing the 'unpleasant' job transfer..

I told my cousin Lynn about it..She was shocked that at last, I managed to stand up for my rights and be firm about it rather than complaining, whining and grumbling later on for doing something I dislike..Indeed, I was just proud that this time around I did not let anyone treating me like a ball..passing here and there..from one place to another..despite the fact, I now have the potential to lose my current job..Haiiiiizzz..If that really happens, what more can I do..R.E.D.H.A. only ah..I shall motivate myself by telling myself there's something better for me out there..Trust in GOD..Search deeper..

I told Lynn - how I wish there is a VERY RICH man who can accepts the fat me and financially support me in life..OLD is ok..but MUST be VERY RICH..bcoz I still have to contribute to my parents as long as they are still alive..not alot..but at least a bit..Hehehehehehe..Lynn laughed aloud..Indeed it was a good joke..ahakz..but seriously, if there is a VERY RICH man out there who can accepts a fatso like me..please step forward..I can cook, clean the house, shop, listen and make an old man feels young again..Yes! I will listen to a man who pays me well..hehehehehehe..*Ya ampun, De..canda terus kamu..whoahahahahaha..*

DOWN...BUT RUNNING!!!

It has been almost a week having this crazy flu..Started last Saturday with a pain in my throat..slowly sore throat which made my voice sound slightly like chipmunks..more to Theodore..I know..that's weird especially when people around me as if purposely wanna talk to me..Helloooooooo..Go away!! Don't talk to me..huh! Then, Saturday night came in the high fever..I was shivering eventhough not switching on the fan in my room..suddenly felt like winter in Sydney...can't say winter in Europe - that would make me FROZEN..and I am NOT that blue Elsa..hehehehehehe..

Sunday night I was thinking how am I going to work tomorrow..HOW??? I had sore throat with phelgm, high fever and NOW, running now..My nose is like a 24-hours running water tap..Deeeeerrrrrr...I was in despair..What my ex-HARLEM commented??? "Drink alot of water..Your annual sick indeed always terrible..but I love the way you sound..like talking to chippet.."...whoahahahahhaha...huhuhuhuhuhu..NOT FUNNY, sayang!

Monday, I still went to work..with hope that I did not collapse at work bcoz they would need a crane to lift me up and out of the building...whoahahahahhaha...I survived Monday being sick..Then, came the night when I had a severe migraine which indeed making me nausea..I looked around me..Hmmmm..I still could not see my late boyfriend, Andy..eventhough my heart kept asking,"Is the time right?? Am I going home tonight, God??"...neeeeaaaayyyy..Not this time around..Dream on..I survived Monday night and woke up on Tuesday feeling weird and odd to find myself still breathing..still having running nose..but no migraine and no fever..Hooooorrraaaaaayyyy???? Not yet..Still very sick..Now with another sickness - COUGHING!

I kept coughing at the wrong place in front of the wrong person..in my boss's room..in front of my boss and my cuzzin Lynn..Today - Thursday, Lynn told me she feels like having FLU!!! Virus attack SUCCESSFUL! Indeed I am EVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLL...well, I can't help myself from sharing what I have right now..my sickness..Sorry laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah to all people around me..Until death do I apart from my work..so, sick like crap also I have to go to work..I need to pay my bills...Santaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, I need a rich sugardaddy to foot my bills...huhuhuhuhuhuhu..there's none for me bcoz I am VERY FAT right now!..Nevermind..Whatever..

HOW AM I TODAY???

Still coughing like crazy woman..Still sniff sniff sniiiiiiifffff controlling my pathetic nose..Pray for my speedy recovery, angels...Angels are so near GOD..so, HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP me..Thank you..Kamsamnida..Arigato..Merci..Gracias..Danke..terimakasih..Xia-Xia..I am still at work..it is my lunch time..

Cya...

*Love yourself more than others bcoz only you can do that..*

Blog adjourned???? heheheheheheheheh..

FIRM's ANNUAL LUNCH 2016

I just worked in this law firm more than a month..Today was their annual lunch..so, all staff worked until 11.15am before walking their way to Scotts Road..by MRT..heading towards the Grand Hyatt.

For its restaurant - Straits Kitchen which serves Asia Cuisines..from Indian to Chinese to Nonya to other Asian cuisines.

Here are my 1st choice of foods - Indian Cuisine..Did mentioned my craving for Naan bread to my mom last week..The last time I had great Naan bread treats was at Siglap Road..With my old colleague and her British hubby..who lived around that area..

This is more to mixed dishes which I found around the buffet area..so, I just grabbed it..

This Laksa was taken by one of the staff at the same table as me..who found the gravy too spicy and she could not eat it as she has gastric..so there I was - as usual, the food-saver..had this spicy laksa..It would taste much better if there is cockles..yum..yum..yum..Now, I am missing Bugis's Laksa..The last time I had it, I was dining with my beloved ex-Harlem.. 

This is Malay cuisine..is it??? Nice satay..the gravy was not bad too..but the rice cakes were a bit dry..I felt it was as if those instant rice cake - in mini plastic bags which we can bring along during travelling to Europe during winter..hehehehehe..I might be wrong about my feeling for the rice cake..so, don't sue me for comment as such in my blog, ok??!!! I am just sharing my opinions about the rice cake..ahakz..

Lastly, the Nonya Kuih..Take note, guys..These are my most favourite..hehehehehe..

I did have some ice-cream..2 scopes of coconut, 1 scope of durian and Horlick flavoured..but I got carried away and forgotten to snap it..Also, had red apple juice..some passion fruits..Fish Spicy Otah..I just missed having those Popiah, Prawn Noodles and some other foods which I do not remember the names..whoahahahahhaaa..

Hopefully, someday I can be in Straits Kitchen again..of coz, this time around with my beloved friends..well, my parents do not like eating in this kind of places so,..bring the friends instead..No need be so sad not having great parents who love eating out with me..hehehehehehe..

After the lunch, all staff were ushered to Level 2 for the activities..Salon 5 & 6..for the photo booth..I did not take any pictures..Not in the mood to be pictured..Lame excuse, right?? Hehehehehe..The activities were ok..but awkward to me bcoz I am so used to have OFFICIAL lunch but just eat and either return to the firm thereafter or go home - where I would just watch a movie with some friends or window-shopping with them..

Anyway, I left early bcoz I have other appointment after the annual lunch..I went to meet my old schoolmate for KFC "Hot"Meal..At last, I have it..after craving for it for some times..whoahahahahaha..me and my simple food cravings..

THE KOREAN IN ME...LIKE REAL!

Last Sunday - the Korean drama "49 days" which I have been watching every Saturday and Sunday at 3pm ENDED..huhuhuhuhuh..Saaaaaaaaaaaaad..Very nice ending..At last the mystery solved..why that main female role went into the second female role's body..They are SISTER..huhuhuhuhuhu..

I don't speak Korean..except the word "Kamsamnida" aka Thank You in Korean..This drama was dubbed into Mandarin..I can understand a bit of Mandarin but I hardly can speak it..each time a person speaks Mandarin to me, I would reply in English..Hehehehehe..Back to this Korean drama..

It was such an open-eyed kind of drama..about love..family..friendship..trust..betrayal..repentment (is there such word in the first place??? Hmmmm..)..lost..found..all into one..A bit similar with Malay drama but the crazy me look forward always to Korean drama bcoz of those beauties and handsome artiste..Yupz! I am crazy..what can I do when I love to see at God's Greatest Creations..besides myself..hehehehehehe..I am one of God's Greatest Creation, ok?!!!!..

What's surprised me in this drama..main bad boy's birthday is the same as mine - 8 November..that's what in the dubbed drama stated..8 November..Yo!!!Yo!!!Yo!!! Cool, man..I was shocked at first but I was proud of it..8 November or 811 indeed a great digit..Once one of my directors in MNC where I used to work commented,"811 means luck in Hokkien"..hehehehehe..Hmmmm..I used to believe that I was lucky despite not all people around me love me..huhuhuhuhu..still, I felt lucky always..That's in the past..After Paul Crispin left - I assumed he took away all my lucky charms..JUST KIDDING! Chill, Crispin, chill..hehehehehehe..Yupz! After Paul Crispin left, I no longer feel as lucky as in the past..eventhough my cousin-of-the-same-clan commented,"You are lucky laaaaaaaaaaaah.."..Whoahahahahaha..

What's next in my drama list to watch???
Any suggestions, angels???


*Korea..Seoul..Kimchi..Kamsamnida..*

SHOPKEEPER ASKED ME..

Few weeks ago, one of the shopkeepers who works in a mini mart nearby my place approached me..She said,"Your mother said that you do not want to marry..Why??"..There I was laughing at her..What a question! Ok..Ok..Be serious..especially when she started to stare sharp at me..

I responded,"I told myself that if I do not get married by age of 39; with effect from my age of 40, I do not want to get married..I do not need a husband and a marriage..I just need to be happy as an unmarried person..I just want to live my life at the fullest..What's the point of crying over the fact that I was not born to be anyone's MRS..Be happy..Embrace the freedom..Enjoy what life throws at me..It is not a sin being unmarried..Not even a crime for choosing to stay unmarried..So I am now 42 years old..I do not want to get married..I just want to enjoy my singlehood..As long as I do not intrude in others' life, I think I am good.."..

She was shocked to hear my reply..Then, she prompted another question,"Do you have any special boyfriend??"...Again I laughed..Gosh! This girl never gives up indeed..

I responded,"I have alot of friends..but no special specific boyfriend..bcoz I have no time to entertain and handle a man..I am quite busy when I have a job.. I also always trying to learn something by taking up all sorts of courses..I have no time to go out on date - watch movie, dinner or just have fun with a boyfriend..I am always well-occupied with my girlfriends who are either married or widowed or divorced or unmarried like..When I am earning some money, I save some for my overseas trip..once I have enough, I book my accomodation, flight and off I go..I travel alone and I am satisfied with such arrangement..I do not need to tolerate any divas or dictator's attitudes..I travel at my own pace..at my own expenses..I have all the freedom in life..I can spend all my money without having to think about children's schooling expenses..My money, my rule..My life, my rule..I don't disturb anyone, no one should disturb me.."..

She nodded, smiled and asked another question, "Don't you feel lonely being unmarried..no boyfriend..??? Should be lonely, right??"...

I laughed and responded,"I do not feel lonely as long as I have GOD..No one should feels lonely if s/he believes in the existence of GOD..So, what's there to be lonely about??? I do not feel lonely also bcoz I am too fully occupied by my work, studies, girlfriends and travelling overseas..I have no time to sit down and mourn my shortage..not having a husband, a marriage and children..I just accept what's meant for me..what's written by GOD to be my life..So, don't worry..Be happy.."...

Lastly, she commented,"Sis..I really salute your way of thinking..how you lead your life even without a spouse..Very positive..Very inspiring..Very motivating..What you said are all true..What matters the most that you are happy in life.."..

I just smiled and responded,"Indeed..Don't cry or mourn or be miserable for what others are having which you are not getting..Just be thankful..be appreciative for all that you have which most of the times many are not having in life and wishing they can be you.."..

That shopkeeper approached my mom and commented,"Aunty, seriously she is like what you said..She does not want to get married..At first I thought you were either joking or prevent her from getting married..Talking to her made me realised - She is for real..Aunty, what she works as??"..

My mom responded,"I told you..This daughter of mine is so different from my other children..She works with lawyers..as secretary..but she always talk like a lawyer at home when disagreed with me..Many guys did commented that she's too strong-willed and too independent which those guys found no reason for her to need a husband in life anyway..To me, she's a bit egoistic and daring..she speaks her mind out loud..that scare most guys away...I saw that when she started to date during her teens.."...

That shopkeeper commented,"That's why she knows what she's doing in life..She works with lawyers..hehehehehe..She must be clever hor.."..

My mom commented,"She was an average student actually..not genius like her siblings..but after working with lawyers, she behaving like one..I don't know where she got the smartness...but nowadays, she's smart and a genius..That's what I see in her..Ben is following her footsteps..hehehehehehe"...

I AM NOT INEM (INDONESIAN MAID)..!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So today I went to the market and as usual, the market was packed with people as it is the weekends..As I was trying to go out of the market - pushing my trolley..BAM! My trolley banged slightly on a person..WHO'S AT FAULT??? The person in front of me, OF COZ..She was an old woman in her 60s..walking sooooooooooooo slow..That I can understand..I tried my best not to hurry her but when she suddenly stopped without signal (she's not a car with rear light..hehehehehehe), what more can I do to stop the trolley from going forward..There were some other people around me..seeing what happened, they de-routed..refusing to follow behind me..ahakz..

The best part - that old woman showed her unhappy facial expression..I simply said "sorry"..fine! Eventhough it was her fault..I just hoping for her to move on..but again she repeated the same action..stopping without signal..CB..I said out aloud "Sorry lah" when she showed her unhappy face..I quickly move passed her when she moved aside a bit..I grumbled,"This is wet market..Not catwalk..People are rushing..You are catwalking..What the hell!"..really frustrated with this kind of people who NEVER claim their own mistakes..repeating the same thing and be unhappy about it..WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM ACTUALLY??? Wanna stroll down memory lane - do it at the beach..not at crowded wet market, for heaven's sake!!

I was still grumbling on my way home..My mom was like trying to calm me down by saying,"Haiyaaa..You cannot blame those people for looking down at you like you owe them your life..treating you as if your are INEM..The way you dressed up say it all.."...Haiiiizzzz...Mother, I cannot be more calm and peaceful when you are condemning my dressing to wet market..Why should I dress up for wet market..????

That's how frustrating I was on Saturday morning with that old woman...Say me unreasonable..inconsiderate..rude..but I believe I am not wrong in this matter and she shouldn't looked down on me or anyone out there who look like foreign domestic helper based..Foreign domestic helpers are also humans, right?? What's the point showing your superior at the wet market..NUTS!

1 DECEMBER 2016 - RAINING!

Hello, December...
Here comes the last month of the year..December..And today, it rains like crazy...just kidding! It was not monsoon rain so, nothing so much of a hassle..but still, it was cooling..really cold inside the bus on the way to work this morning..but still not shivering bcoz of the fats accumulated inside my body..whoahahahahahaaaaa..

25 more days to Christmas..Now I missed watching Ellen's Show - 12 days of Christmas..How I wish we have similar talkshow in Singapore..where lots of gifts given to audience at the talkshow..well, there is no one like Ellen in Singapore..What we have just show where cash donations are given thru' telephone line..that's for the needy people..reaaaaaaaaaally needy..not just anybody..not like in Ellen's Show..where the needy get financial assistance..the audience who came to the show get some great gifts..ie Plasma tv..overseas trip..trip to Disneyland or Super Bowl or concert..Not in Singapore..No one that generous in Singapore..hehehehe..Sometimes I wondered what it is like to be those audience in Ellen's Show..especially during those 12 days to Christmas..hmmmmmmm

Earlier today - morning, my mom was screaming for help..She accidentally passed motion in the living room..Pity her..Worried about her too..but I have to work..What can I do more..I am HELPLESS! My lil nephew watched sadly at his granny..I rushed out of my room..Told her to leave the shit there and just go the toilet straightaway..I did the cleaning up..My lil nephew again watched sadly..then he said,"I am scared..Granny is sick.."..Of coz I coaxed him not to be sad..nothing to worry..Haiiiizzzzzzzzzz..Why no one came to fetch my lil nephew..now he has to witness such incident. After cleaning up, he still stared at the floor where the shit splattered..I told him,Ï have cleaned it..even disinfected the floor..No longer dirty..Can walk..Don't worry, ok.."..He just nodded..Hopefully he understands what I meant..

As Christmas is approaching..lets searching for the feeling of joy and happiness on this festive season..Some people getting BONUS this month (NOT me!!) so, be happy and smile all the way to the shopping malls..Jingle all the way, folks..I jiggle my fats all the way to shopping malls just window-shopping..Ahakz..at something rather than nothing..

WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR???
Can I say - YOU??? Hehehehehe..I know I can't have my American buddies - William and Tim to be around..so, for my Christmas gift this year - again, I just want to eat with my beloved ones..my two friends in Singapore..that's enough for me..Wish can eat with William and Tim too..Well, I shall eat my foods for Christmas and remember them in my prayers..Can??

Back to work...cya!

LAST DAY OF NOVEMBER 2016

It is the last day of November 2016...Saaaaaaaaaad..November is my favourite month of the year..bcoz I am a November baby...hehehehehe..Anyway, less than one month before Christmas..Yiiipppeeee..

Today too, I need to search for a Christmas card for William aka Bill..hope can sent to US tomorrow on by Saturday..I just love Christmas season..All chocolates on sale..Many things on sale too..Missing those snow falling on my head..like in Zurich..haiiiizzz..Singapore has no snow..even the rain just come occasionally in November so far..not so cold November..The only place which is as cold as at those snowy mountain is my workplace..but only 19 Degree..ceeeeeeyyyy..not even minus 1 Degree..Whoahahahahaha..

Bye Bye, November..See you again in 2017..I hope I am still alive by then..hehehehehe..Cya.

WHERE CAN I LIVE???

Browsed the website of Singapore's Housing Development Board ("HDB") under rental. As I always being played out by HDB when I applied for flats under Build To Order ("BTO") and Single Scheme, I thought I wanted to simply try renting a flat..Unfortunately, there is only Joint-Single Scheme in the rental department - I see..Haiiiizzz..I can only sighed..This the fate of life being the unmarried one in Singapore..No place to live in..*Walking away..from the troubles in my life..*...Hehehehehehe

WHY I NEED TO SURVEY AND SEARCH FOR A PLACE TO LIVE IN??

I am preparing myself for the WORSE that can happens in my life in Singapore someday after the death of my parents..especially if my mom "leaves" me first..I still have a father but I always have the instinct that my father intend to remarry after the demisal of my mom..I don't know why..but since young I have this kind of feeling..I know it is BAD to have such negativity towards my father..but I keep telling myself that it is the FACT..My daddy going to remarry once my mom is gone..Stop denying the FACT..Angry?? Disappointed?? Neeeaaaayyy..I always understand why others including my father who need marriage in their lives..COMPULSORY to have..to them personally and NOT ME!

I hope that when the time comes for me to GET OUT of my parents' flat, I will have my own place to go to - easily..may it be only rented room or purchased flat..I have no intention to interfere in others' lives..or privacy..especially after many including my siblings find my UNCHANGED marital status as a HUGE BURDEN..Yes! By having my own place to live in, I can lead my own life in solitude..ahakz..I just need to be happy as a FOREVER UNMARRIED one..I have NO REGRET..I am happy since the day I decided that Paul Crispin is the last man in Singapore whom I ever fall in love with..NOT bcoz Paul Crispin is a greatest boyfriend or lover..but bcoz I am sick and tired to accomodate a male figure in my life who NEVER stays forever..Eversince, I am less stressed in life bcoz I have NO ONE making hell out of my life..NO MAN; NO SUDDEN DEATH..That's my phrase..hahahahahahahha..Kids, don't follow me, ok?!!!!!

*Mode DREAMING on*
Someday I know that I will live in a place somewhere in this world..by the blue sea..with my closest friends by my sides and my pets - cats, horses.....hmmmm...sound like a ranch...Howdy Cowgirl..A ranch by the sea..interesting indeed!

#JustACrazyDream

DRAMA : "CINTA SI WEDDING PLANNER"..

Last episode of the Malay drama "Cinta Si Wedding Planner"..I watched it for more than twice..Yes! Crazy I must say..First time I watched it, I was caught saying,"What a drama..sloooooowww..huh"..Second time I watched it, I was caught saying,"Just endure it.."..No regret - I just love it..Third time I watched it, I just falling in love with the soundtrack..

Seeing Adiputra on tv reminded me of a colleague who is Adiputra's fanatic fan..Eventhough she's married but she never missed the existence of Adiputra each time he came down to Singapore..and each time she went to Kuala Lumpur, I and my other colleagues would teased her,"Did you bumped into Adiputra??'..she always blushed when we teased her like that..Her husband is so sporting to have support her craziness over Adiputra...Jealous..Jealous me..none of my guys supported me crazy over male actors...whoahahaha..most of my guys would commented,"I look better than him.."..indeed jealous..one of them even dragged me out of the cinema while watching "Daylight" movie bcoz I was staring at Slyvester Stallone all the times and ignored him..Whoahahahaha..He was so frustrated with my craziness over Sly..ridiculous..as Sly does not even know I exist in this world even...deeeeeeeeerrrr..

Back to the drama..nice one..can repeat the drama all over again at channel Suria??? Hehehehehehe..Ok..Ok..Don't bash me for being crazy over this drama..

Bye..Bye Fariz Adryan..
Bye..Bye Izara Batrisya..
Bye..Bye Haykal...
ooooppppsss..I actually love the PA Haykal..so sweeeeeeeettt!! *Gatal eh andartu..hehehehe*..

MY LIFE IS LIKE A SONG..

Nowadays, my life is like a song..A great song sang by Craig David.."Walking away"..Millenials, just google the song title..listen in YouTube..listen carefully to its lyric..You will know what I am trying to say here about my life..

Walking away from something unhappy is the best solution besides laughing at the unhappiness..Yes! Never walk away from problems as it will haunts you down..I always try my best to solve all my problems in life..I am just walking away from the people who create those UNNECESSARY problems in my life..One of the problems those people created for me is my marital status - UNMARRIED! Yes! It is so ridiculous and pathetic but that's always the issue with some people around me..Me being unmarried becomes like a huge problem to them..even my lil sister stating in her blog (in the past..which my eldest sis informed me) that my UNMARRIED status is a HUGE BURDEN to the family as relatives and close friends always INTERROGATING her for reason why I am not married..why I chose to stay unmarried..When confronted, they always gave the same lame reason - they are concerned about me being all alone without a spouse..over-concerned about my happiness in life with assumption that without a marriage, a person like me can NEVER be happy in life..which I totally DISAGREE bcoz many of my married friends expressed their unhappiness having a spouse who is irresponsible and not getting involved in the marriage..pushing all responsibilities to the wifey instead of sharing together as a couple..So, what makes MARRIAGE a guarantee to any humans including me to be happy??? I am not angry - I am just stating fact in life..reality which not always sweet but always bitter..

To me personally - I, myself determined my own happiness in life..Not a marriage..Not a husband..Not a child..What always making me slightly unhappy at an occasion is people who assumed that they know me well enough to judge me..commenting that I can never be happily unmarried..which of coz, I just laugh each time they started urging me to find someone to be married with..Haiiiizzz..I can only sigh..

Walking away in my life always referring to my action to stay away from people who can never understand me..why I lead my life in this manner..different from "Normal" people like them..by the way, what is "NORMAL" actually???..Hehehehehehe..Yes! I always walking away from people who are nosey..always trying to dig into my life so that they have something to badmouth or spread as rumours to other people out there...that's why I always quiet when I am with people of that kind..besides I have nothing nice to say to them in another way..ahakz..To me, people can only assume and judge about other people who have different lifestyle as them..either they are plain busybodies or just unhappy with their own life and wanted to make others' lives unhappy too..

Many said that they are concerned about me being unmarried but none steps forward to lend a helping hand when I needed financial assistance..indeed, NO MONEY NO TALK..TALKING IS EASY WHEREAS ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS..Haiiiizzz..That's why some people are just a "Hi"and "Bye" to me in my life..bcoz not all people in this world matters to me..eventhough they can be related to me by blood - siblings and relatives..I am not GOD, I am just human being..Some people like me; many people despise me just bcoz I chose to stay unmarried. Personally when these people approached me, I just smiled and walked away..say nothing than "Hi"and "Bye"..Well, they deserved such treatment from me anyway...for being judgmental towards me..Whenever these people walk passed me without looking at me as acknowledgment, I just ignored their existence there..

Indeed my nowadays life is all about walking away..walking away from people who are toxics..who making me sick..who just trying to squeeze all my energy out of myself..I am walking away bcoz I deserved peace in my life..I am walking away from people who do not love me as who I am - a SPINSTER!..I am walking away from everything that pour in unhappiness and negativities into my life..I am just happy with whoever left in my life who can accept my choice of life..I am thankful that there are still one or two people in my life who understand me..who just be by my sides bcoz I am who I am..who do not what me to change into someone else...


***..1 month to Christmas..Yipppeeeee...Counting down to New Year too...***

TALKING TO YOURSELF????

Few weeks ago, I was in a bus on my way home from work..when a passenger sat two seats away in front of me..Many other passengers who board the bus would glanced at him..WHY? Bcoz he was talking to "someone invisible" in front of him..seriously this passenger and his "invisible buddy" had a good conversation..which of course attracted many eyes in the bus..As for me, I just smiled faintly and sighed..Maybe the stress in his life just by living in this island causing this kind of outcome on him..Pity, right???..I sighed again..That's life!

Life in Singapore can be toughest to some people..not only complicated but disasturous at times..I do feel the stress of living in this MOST EXPENSIVE COST OF LIVING island at times..especially during my unemployment in the past..that's when the idea of committing suicide came into my mindset..huhuhuhuhu..Many just thought I am attention-seeker when the fact is - I just felt suicidally stressful in Singapore without a job..Those who NEVER being unemployed after an employment ended will NEVER know how it feels..So, all they can do are judging people like me..

Don't worry so much about my suicidal mood swing or unofficially diagnosed BIPOLAR DISORDER..I am still alive, right?? Well, no matter how many attempts to commit suicide done in the past, I am still so much alive right now..Until I, myself FED-UP repeating those suicidal attempts again and again..so, I stopped! I just learnt to live as long as GOD needs/wants me to live..eventhough seeing the same things around me and doing the same things over and over again in life at times really driving me BORED! NOTHING NEW!..Hehehehehe..

NON-SMOKER..NOT A DRINKER..

When new people came to know my "Wild" activities in the past, they always prompted whether I used to smoke and drink..My reply always shocked them..bcoz so far I have never smoke a single cigarette and drink a glass of wine..I am not sure about the future..right now, I never smoke or/and drink liquor.

My LAME REASONS..???

Back during my schooldays, many of my schoolmates started smoking at earliest age of 10..and drink by 14..but not me..I always claimed that I was too poor to afford a miserable cigarette..and by the time I started clubbing, I always not so into liquor due to its smell..I am very particular about smell..How I know what it smells like..almost all my exes (exclude Paul Crispin) smoke cigarette..a few even smoked Cuban cigar..when comes to drinking, several exes and Harlem used to be heavy drinkers..Not rowdy though..In the past, I would tell them to brush their teeth after drinking beer or whatever liquor before even dare to hug and kiss me..Yes! At first they were a bit offended but I don't give a damn about that..NO COMPROMISE! Thereafter they understand and respect my firm standing and automatically know what to do after session of drinking beer..

Once a Malay woman colleague at work did tried to trick me into drinking Bourbon Coke while having nightlife at HRC, Singapore..I was aware of such drinks as I have exes who drink..but it was my Filipino colleague who told me about that Malay colleague's intention and told me not to drink what's been served in front of me..Thank you, AJ..I just smiled faintly..sad a bit..betrayal is just a part in my life..Yes! Some clubber friends labelled me as "Wet Blanket" due to me not joining them smoking and drinking..To me, they can call me anything they want..My reply always stunned them..I always replied,"A great friend will never force his/her friends do what the friend not willing to do.."..that's when they apologised to me..

Until this blog is written, I am still not a smoker and drinker..as I cannot predict the future, I shall not guarantee anything like smoking and drinking..Still, I admit that I am still too poor to buy a pack of cigarette and too fussy about the smell of booz...Cheeeeeeerrrrzzz...

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...

Heard a voice calling out my name..and I just replied,"Go away..Go back to where you came from..I do not disturb you so, you better do not disturb me too.."..That's how I communicate each time I feel ''something" surrounding me..in thin air..spirit..good or bad..always, I just feel calmness after saying that statement to whoever around me who is INVISIBLE to my eyes..I don't know why they love me..I meant spirits or ghosts..

Then, I fell asleep and dreamt to be in one of the cafes in Tuscany, Italy..somewhere I had visited more than 10 years ago..Winter trip in Europe..ahakz..In my dream, I saw my old classmate - Sofian Said..Seriously, I have not meet him eversince I left high school in 1992..Hmmmm..did connected to him once in 2008 or 2009 via FB - where else, right?? But after that I deactivated that FB account and created new account which I barred all relatives and high schoolfriends who are quite nosey and opinionated about my life as a single and unmarried one..ahakz..I just do not know what these people's problem to be unhappy about me being not married like them..haiiiiizzzz...

Back to my dream - I saw Sofian so relaxed in that cafe..the best part - I was at the other end of the cafe..not realising his existence there..That's so me when I am at overseas..M.Y.O.B all the times..I just enjoying the trip and prefer not to be intruding into anyone's privacy..hahahahaha..

I do not know why I dreamt of this classmate of mine but I just prayed that Sofian is OK..blessed with lots of joy and happiness..the last time connected to him, he was still single and unmarried..who knows now he has found the 'one' for himself..hmmmmm...

When I was awakened by my crazy alarm on my phone, I smelt something fragrant..like those shredded screwpine leave which used in funeral..Is someone going to die at the soonest??? Hmmmmm...maybe..don't know who..wish I am the one..Not being suicidal or whatsoever..Just tired of this world..common sky..common earth..days and year around looking at the same thing repetitiously..whoahahaha...

Back to work..It is Friday! Hopefully everything will be better than yesterday..Just a hope..that's all I can do in life..Hope..Hope..Hope.................

BEAUTY..BEAUTIFUL..WHAT??

Since young, I was exposed to all kinds of definitions of beauty and what is beautiful..Throughout my childhood, I was defined as having no beauty at all by people surrounding me..unlike both my sisters who were flooded with praises for having great beauty..eventhough I found them similar to that ugly step-sisters who bullied Cinderella..ahakz..With this, I was, in another word not beautiful..How was the definition made by others? In my case, through what they see as my exterior..my plain Asian face..my fatty body...my tanned caramel skin..NOT based on what they deeply know about me in person personally..Judgmental people indeed..I shall say that such definition was indirectly influencing and instigating my own mother to agree with such unfair and bad judgments..in another words - my mother was sadly accepting and agreeing with judgment of others that this daughter of hers was born UGLY..making her wonder - will there be someone for this daughter of hers??? (Mom, I am getting married as for right now...hehehehehe..I am a happy spinster right now..)

As I grow up..during my teens..it was bitter-sweet for me..WHY? Bcoz it was tough searching for an identity of my own especially with the bad judgments from people surrounding me from the past and at the present of time..To make thing worst, I was NOT lucky enough to have a clear complexion like some people around me..from classmates to cousins to strangers..Yes! Acne was my problem during my teens..undeniably..Any BOYFRIEND??? Who wish to accept me..date me out when my face are full of pimples..?? (Costs my mother a bomb to get it all off my face..but I did!) Not until I met a guy named "HARLEM"..who at first found me different from the girls whom he used to date..the most obvious difference was - I am NOT a lady smoker whereas almost all his ex-girlfriends were heavy smokers..Another difference - I used to listen and obey him...That's a great joke to me nowadays..Me listen to men??? Neeeaaayyy..That's a thing of the past! Nowadays I only listen to myself..when I am not working..well, at work - I am PAID to listen and obey, okey!

Back to my issue of beauty and beautiful..I was not a great beauty and beautiful..that's what Harlem commented one fine day..bcoz as he had travelled around the globe on job assignments, he has met many women with great beauty and very beautiful..But not to make me feels deeply hurt, he commented that to him - a great beauty and beautiful person all depends on the heart..and that's what making him stay in my life all these while..I have a beautiful heart..He said that..not self-praising here..ok..

"A person can have great beauty and be very beautiful..but not always that same person can have beautiful heart like you..That's why I never leave you after I ran back to you..", quoted Harlem's statement..So, am I in cloud nine???

My answer is "NO"..bcoz I have been hurt too many times and too deeply to have my feets off the ground each time I get myself a good praise from people around me..My feets are firmly nailed to the ground..Even my British ex-boyfriend suggested that I need to believe more in myself..that I do have great beauty and I am beautiful..bcoz that's what he saw me thru' his blue (sparkling like diamond) eyes..Well, my British fella is not that bad person (only pain in my ass) when comes to motivating me, huh??? Hehehehehe..God saves the QUEEN..

In reality - the truth is always BEAUTY comes first before BRAIN...but in my life of my own ruling, I am forced to use my BRAIN before trying to believe that I have a BEAUTY..whoahahahaha..That's why I am collecting many educational certificates to be hang up my bedroom wall (future living room's wall)..bcoz I have no beauty and not beautiful..but thanks God, my brain is still functioning..still able to absorb my studies..which right now I am taking a looooooooong break from facing any books in particular..I did have the intention to learn baking pastry in RP - a part-time short course...hmmmm maybe after I return from my trip "home" to London, England someday (for a closure)...actually, I did intended to learn basic baking in London - even surveyed a school and found a 3-days course..but again, I have to put such dream on hold..Who knows I bump into a pastry chef in England..I might about to learn baking thru' him...who knows, right??? ...Dream on, senorita....Indeed it would be lovely if it does happen that way....faiiiirrrryyyyytale...Sleeping "Fat" Beauty meets Prince "Notty"Charming..Hehehehehehe..

Enough of my craziness towards the topic of beauty and beautiful..

My advice to all those plain Jane in the world...
Remember, no human is born with an UGLY heart...so, all humans are born beautiful..
I rest my case..
Court adjourned...oooopppppsss...I meant end of this blog entry..hehehehehhe..Cya!