Since young, I was exposed to all kinds of definitions of beauty and what is beautiful..Throughout my childhood, I was defined as having no beauty at all by people surrounding me..unlike both my sisters who were flooded with praises for having great beauty..eventhough I found them similar to that ugly step-sisters who bullied Cinderella..ahakz..With this, I was, in another word not beautiful..How was the definition made by others? In my case, through what they see as my exterior..my plain Asian face..my fatty body...my tanned caramel skin..NOT based on what they deeply know about me in person personally..Judgmental people indeed..I shall say that such definition was indirectly influencing and instigating my own mother to agree with such unfair and bad judgments..in another words - my mother was sadly accepting and agreeing with judgment of others that this daughter of hers was born UGLY..making her wonder - will there be someone for this daughter of hers??? (Mom, I am getting married as for right now...hehehehehe..I am a happy spinster right now..)
As I grow up..during my teens..it was bitter-sweet for me..WHY? Bcoz it was tough searching for an identity of my own especially with the bad judgments from people surrounding me from the past and at the present of time..To make thing worst, I was NOT lucky enough to have a clear complexion like some people around me..from classmates to cousins to strangers..Yes! Acne was my problem during my teens..undeniably..Any BOYFRIEND??? Who wish to accept me..date me out when my face are full of pimples..?? (Costs my mother a bomb to get it all off my face..but I did!) Not until I met a guy named "HARLEM"..who at first found me different from the girls whom he used to date..the most obvious difference was - I am NOT a lady smoker whereas almost all his ex-girlfriends were heavy smokers..Another difference - I used to listen and obey him...That's a great joke to me nowadays..Me listen to men??? Neeeaaayyy..That's a thing of the past! Nowadays I only listen to myself..when I am not working..well, at work - I am PAID to listen and obey, okey!
Back to my issue of beauty and beautiful..I was not a great beauty and beautiful..that's what Harlem commented one fine day..bcoz as he had travelled around the globe on job assignments, he has met many women with great beauty and very beautiful..But not to make me feels deeply hurt, he commented that to him - a great beauty and beautiful person all depends on the heart..and that's what making him stay in my life all these while..I have a beautiful heart..He said that..not self-praising here..ok..
"A person can have great beauty and be very beautiful..but not always that same person can have beautiful heart like you..That's why I never leave you after I ran back to you..", quoted Harlem's statement..So, am I in cloud nine???
My answer is "NO"..bcoz I have been hurt too many times and too deeply to have my feets off the ground each time I get myself a good praise from people around me..My feets are firmly nailed to the ground..Even my British ex-boyfriend suggested that I need to believe more in myself..that I do have great beauty and I am beautiful..bcoz that's what he saw me thru' his blue (sparkling like diamond) eyes..Well, my British fella is not that bad person (only pain in my ass) when comes to motivating me, huh??? Hehehehehe..God saves the QUEEN..
In reality - the truth is always BEAUTY comes first before BRAIN...but in my life of my own ruling, I am forced to use my BRAIN before trying to believe that I have a BEAUTY..whoahahahaha..That's why I am collecting many educational certificates to be hang up my bedroom wall (future living room's wall)..bcoz I have no beauty and not beautiful..but thanks God, my brain is still functioning..still able to absorb my studies..which right now I am taking a looooooooong break from facing any books in particular..I did have the intention to learn baking pastry in RP - a part-time short course...hmmmm maybe after I return from my trip "home" to London, England someday (for a closure)...actually, I did intended to learn basic baking in London - even surveyed a school and found a 3-days course..but again, I have to put such dream on hold..Who knows I bump into a pastry chef in England..I might about to learn baking thru' him...who knows, right??? ...Dream on, senorita....Indeed it would be lovely if it does happen that way....faiiiirrrryyyyytale...Sleeping "Fat" Beauty meets Prince "Notty"Charming..Hehehehehehe..
Enough of my craziness towards the topic of beauty and beautiful..
My advice to all those plain Jane in the world...
Remember, no human is born with an UGLY heart...so, all humans are born beautiful..
I rest my case..
Court adjourned...oooopppppsss...I meant end of this blog entry..hehehehehhe..Cya!
