Each time my former schoolmates, girlfriends (now my 1st nephew) got married, surely someone will prompt me this question..might it be my closed friends or my siblings or my mom..
Question:
Another one is married.
Don't you ever get envy that these people are getting married but you are not?
Don't you have the question of wonders - when will be your turn to be the same??
Don't you feel sad that you are not married like them???
Answer:
In my late teens, I was a bit envy..I thought no man wants me bcoz I was fat teen with pimples..That's why I lost those 40kg of fats off my body, went for facial treatments & challenged myself to wear cosmetic..Yes! Many loved me when I was skinny..received plenty of marriage proposals..I did feel great back then..but after I cancelled my own wedding (due to his betrayal) in 1995, I no longer feel envy over others getting married..
I see my life in a bigger picture..not just get married, be a "Mrs" or wife, have sex, get knocked out, get pregnant with twins/triplets/quadlets/octoplets etc, be a mother, cook & clean for my family..I see myself doing what I love the most..have a career, drive own car, travel around the world, social conferences worldwide..& getting married is not listed as one of my favourites anymore..If I wish to wear wedding gown, I just order online to buy it & wear it..Money do the talking..
Nowadays I see marriage as where I need to listen & give in ALWAYS to the human being whose species had betrayed me umpteen times in the past..What's the point??!!! I only listen to myself personally!!!
When I have a job, I have to listen to those people at work (especially those acting Big Bosses yang selalu terOVER) more than 8 hours daily..that drove me nuts sometimes but I'm OK with such deal bcoz I'm paid to listen & work with other people..FINE! But to think that I have to return home, face another human who will question me like a PI..then, have to listen to what that other human have to say..after work?? I don't think so..especially when I'm not paid to answer any questions & listen to any lectures after office hours..I'm dead tired..Stop the interrogation..
When I'm hungry, I'm easily pissed off..When I'm tired, I'm easily furious with just a simple question - "Why so late?" or more stupid question - "Where have you been??" Lets not go to that part - practising your RIGHTS..bcoz I have the rights to rest first upon returning from work..& I don't like the usage of the power of VETO as spouse..Lets put *PAHALA* aside..No *PAHALA* ok if your heart is cursing at your spouse, remember that!!!
Rather than I ended up getting divorce umpteen times which I filed for it myself, it is better for me to remain unmarried..I don't disturb others' lives just bcoz I'm not married..I lead my own life in my own world..so, nothing to worry!
As an unmarried person, I work long hours with no worries..as & when I wish..No one going to scream on the phone asking me to go home immediately like most husbands (I know) did..I always observed closely that part..I'm grateful I have understanding parents who never demand me to be home certain time..Alhamdulillah..I can travel anywhere I want - no need to ask permission from anyone & wait for approval..I just need to tell my parents, pack my bag & go..I can mingle, talk & be with whoever I want to be at any moments I preferred..no need to see the same old face again & again..around the house..even in bed, the same old face..Xian! I don't need to try to impress any men with a skeleton skinny body or long legs whatsoever..Go on diet to attract men - that game is over for me right now..I don't need to call then, wonder where the another party is & with who bcoz there's no other party in my life..I'm free to be who I am..I have no dictator in my life who can suffocated me..
I always welcome everyone to be my friends..Men & women..but to be married to anyone, that is no longer in my list of priorities the minute I hit the BIG four zero in 2014..Unless I get the same freedom I'm enjoying right..Can any men stand seeing me talking & laughing with other men?? I don't think so..bcoz many men have stepped forward & expressed such concern after knowing that majority of my friends are men..
To all my girlfriends who wish to get married - die die must be a "Mrs", kindly proceed with care..*aiiik dah cam flight attendant lah pulak*..hehehehehe..I wish the best of luck to all of them..I will not stop anyone from getting married..I'm happy for them..overjoyed at times upon receiving their invitation..Inshaaaa Allah, I will try my very best to attend their weddings..if I'm free & in town..
Last words from those people who asked the question:
Seriously, the past events made you someone as cold as the Snow Queen..*Hati Kering*..
Me:
I'm no Snow Queen..I just know that I'm not marrying any men in this life..Marriage is not for me..So, why should I live chasing after what's not meant for me, right??? It took years for me to learn to accept this fact - what's meant to be..I still have love for myself & beloved ones..but not love to get myself married..I don't wish to waste more time learning to know about someone..I'm not waiting for someone anymore..I'm just enjoying what God has laid beautifully for me in life..Being unmarried is beautiful too..I don't need to be the same like others..die-die must be a "Mrs" aka takut tak laku is a game of the past..Just let it be..No hard feelings anyway..
