Yes, many advised me to move on..I indeed have moved on..But still, Paul Crispin is indeed the last man I ever fall in love with..despite the fact Im not the last woman he fallen in love with..That's his perception & not mine so, it is none of my business..I don't see it that Im the loser & he's the winner..To me, love is not a competition between exes..Who marry first is the winner..who doesn't marry first is the loser..a'ah..my love doesn't work that way..
It is not that I have no other men trying to replace him but I always find "something missing" in those men - I was not happy to accept those men more than just friends..friends to talk...friends to eat my dinner with..I do have great friends amongst those men..I don't really give a damn if those men are richer or poorer or just similar than Paul Crispin..
To me, I was happiest back then when I finally found Paul Crispin..it is like a god-send..like God had answered my prayers at last..🙏🙏🙏🙏it felt better than getting distinction for my exam papers...So, when the relationship ended, I lost all I have dreamt of all these years..to be married...to be a wife..to be a mother..to be like other women who are married & happiest in this world..All gone..pooooofffff! Like magic!
Took me 8 years to recover from the feeling of loss, hopeless & dead..just wake up every day to tell myself that IT IS OK to be unmarried..that God is not punishing me for my past mistakes..It is just marriage is not supposed to be mine no matter how much I used to want & need it in the past..
I live but no longer the same person again..I see things in different angle..I no longer see men as someone who has the potential to make me happiest..not being revengeful but I know I have had enough of men's bullshits until whatever lovey dovey statements they said to me, I no longer take it seriously..I always think I better travel around the world rather than waste my time in loving a man who can't guarantees will be there for me forever..
Even if the biggest diamond presented to me, it doesn't change me a bit..💎💎💎I might take the diamond but not the person who's giving me the diamond..😂😂😂😂😝😝😝😝Im not saying that Im hating or angry with all men, I just find no man can ever replace my Paul Crispin, FULLSTOP!!!..I just live with it..
Nowadays, Im happy to know that Im going to spent the rest of life being a spinster, on my own & all alone by myself..I don't regret knowing & loving those men who broke my heart in the past..I accepted it as fated..Life goes on eventhough my life is not the same anymore..The another reason WHY I wear hijab is to chase away all men...shooooo..💨💨💨💨well, I know I look matured & haggardly hideous in hijab..some people have commented me with that - thank you...With that Im so glad that my decision to wear hijab is RIGHT! Alhamdulillah...
NO MORE MAN AFTER PAUL CRISPIN..Aite!!
