When some people asked me how come I have alot of exes & why I stopped having a boyfriend/partner..my reply was,"In the past, I led an easgoing life..To me, when a man walks away, five men walking towards me & ready to love me..
Eventhough Im not a supermodel or Miss Universe lookalike, I was very positive & over-confident that there is something about me which can make any men fall in love with me..I was very positive & over-confident that there's someone out there for me to love & beloved..until the day I broke up with the last boyfriend - that British fella, Paul Crispin..I changed my mindset..
That's when I realised that Ive lost or the exact word - WASTED my time just having a man in my life..whom I have loved so much but all he knows is to break my heart & shattered my dreams..
Ive given up a great flying career for a fiance who betrayed me with my best friend...Ive given up my Pre-university education just thinking that I was going to marry my man..Ive given up a rich man's proposal bcoz I loved my man so much just to realise that he's not going to marry..Ive given up my dream to be civil engineer bcoz my man at that time dislikes me being on..Ive given up my best boyfriend, Harlem just to start new life with a man who later on put a stop in my lovehunting..that's Paul Crispin!
Ive listened to my men until I forget to listen more to myself..It was him..him..him..never me..me..me..Nowadays, I no longer care which men love me..I don't wish to think so much..stress myself..criticise myself being UNWANTED aka TAK LAKU..I just need to love myself bcoz I deserved to be loved more after whatever terrible things had happened in my life..
That's why I choose to travel to overseas just to reward myself for being stronger person in life..It is never easy to live as an unmarried person aka Spinster in a conservative community of Muslims people which majority condemn those who are unmarried like me..To them, die-die women must get married..even said - A good woman is a woman who is married...Duh!!!
Also, all sorts of labels Ive got all these years just bcoz Im unmarried..countless times cried over such crazy attitudes of others..my tears have dried up by now..My feelings are numb as Im so used to criticism..sarcasm..discrimination..I just stay away from such people..just avoid unnecessary mental bashing..
I just tell myself now & then, I must make myself & my life happy..My happiness is in my hands & God.."
