This year is the 7th year I have lived with DEPRESSION..All these years I have tried to kill myself 4 times but failed..Maybe God still needs me to be alive on earth..eventhough the spirit of living - there's NONE actually!
Also Im lucky bcoz while the rest of the world turned their back on me, I have 2 men who have faithfully stay with me..just to calm me down & return me to my sanity now & then..
While many asking & even pestering me to simply find someone new to love, these 2 men just keep on telling me how great it is to love myself first & then the man I loved so much will most probably return to love me again someday..Yeah! 2 crazy men who never try to replace the man I loved in my heart bciz they are aware how deep my love is..They just want to see me happy again someday..I really thanked these 2 men - Harlem & William for not giving up on me each time my depression sits in..Only God can repays their kindness..
Im not ashamed to claim my depression bcoz even great celebrities have it..Also, I thank my British ex-boyfriend, Paul Crispin for what he has done until I have depression to accompany me for the rest of my life..No exes ever disappointed me like he did..I don't hold grudges & seek revenge whatsoever..I leave everything to God as I trust God more than any humans..
Nowadays, I try my best to travel overseas & shopping like crazy shopaholic to ease my thoughts of committing suicide due to depression. Yes! Some people questioned my travelling & shopping bcoz they thought I should stop doing those activities & just thinking of getting married instead..hehehehehe..Try imagine me getting married & being betrayed by my partner, don't you think the suicide session will definitely take place?? Think again!
This is me..truly myself..the former online Angel of Love aka Dewi Asmara (the first in FB)..Yes! I have depression as my "bestfriend forever aka BFF"..I live bcoz God wants be to live & not bcoz I love this life in this world..bcoz to me personally, Im already dead in 2007..Im a zombie in reality!
