Once I read an article about a woman who said that her life changed after she lost her husband. Her husband passed away due to accident..I still remember the sentences in that article..
"When you were young & single, you accumulated alot of friends..You went to movies & shop together with friends..Your friends had boyfriends so, you had boyfriend too..Together in a big group you went to watch movies, picnic & do other outdoor activities together..Group dating..
Then, came the day one by one of your friends got married..You got married too..You met more friends who are married..Most of the people you know are all married..The more, the merrier..Then, one by one have children..You have children too..More friends you make..at the clinic when you went for pregnancy checkups..at the hospital while waiting to be pulled into labour ward..then, after birth of your children..Accumulated more friends when you send your children to school..Those first week of children entering school were memorable..
Everything in life were great..You have good job..alot of friends who always invite to join in their family activities..a loving & caring husband..perfect in your eyes only children of yours..Life is beautiful..What more do you want, right???
Then, one fine day - it just happened..You lost your husband..Not that he ran away with other women but he was killed in an accident..Many friends came to sent their deep sympathy & condolences..You just smiled faintly with tears in your eyes..
You lost the man whom you love & who loves you alot..Your wings were broken..You felt lost..disappointed..like life is over..But upon seeing your children's faces, you start to be alive again..You gathered whatever strength left inside you & continue living..
From that point, your life changed slowly..One by one your married friends stay away from you..You started hearing they said,"She has no husband..Better don't ask her to tag along..She might attract our husbands..Better be careful than sorry"..
No more doing outdoor activities with friends & their families..No more group dates to watch movies & picnics during the weekends..They still smile at you..They are still having lunch with you..But nothing after official working hours..
No one going to shop together with you..You tried to invite them to join you window-shopping after work but all sorts of excuses they gave you until you just assumed they don't want to be with you anymore..All bcoz you lost a husband while they still have their husbands..
That's when you know that you no longer have friends like you used to have..You are totally on your own when you lost what they are still having..That is when I realised that I am a different person now to this world but I am grateful that I still have my children in my life..I told myself that my children are the only friends I have right now in life & the only friends I need to continue living.
It did hurts me at the beginning when friends started to abandon me aside bcoz to me, I did nothing wrong..I did not kill my husband..He was killed in an accident..But after awhile & right now, I am alright with everything..I accept their reason for staying away from me bcoz I have no husband..
Nowadays, I just spent my time with my children. We watch movies & do other outdoor activities together during the weekends..After work, I just do my own window-shopping alone & I found it is more interesting & relaxing bcoz I do not need to accomodate to others' needs, wants & not being punctual..I have all the time to myself..
Now I understand more about life..about friends..about what it feels to have no life partner while the rest of the world are having one..I see life in different angle & I am glad to be able to do so.."
That article just stuck in my mind eversince I read it years ago..That's the same way how I live my life as an Asian Muslim Spinster all these years..What she has gone thru', I had gone thru'..
Just bcoz not having a spouse, the world is as if going against us..Well..She's still lucky to have children whereas I have none but I am still surviving so far..despite what other people said!
To me personally, I believe God has a great reason why He chose me to be the one leading this kind of life..Whenever I looked around me, I told myself,"I am the only one can have my life..If my life is given to others especially my sisters, I doubt they will survive.."..
Even my eldest sister once said to me,"I don't think I can live without my husband..He is everything to me..No way can live without him..I am always curious about you..How do you survive living without a husband?"..
My response was,"Just live..Just continue living..Whatever people said about me not having a husband, just ignore..don't absorb into my heart..Just walk away..Just bang thru'..like bumper car - just bang other cars away.."..
Not easy being an Asian Muslim Spinster..Not only the Asian Muslim community not supporting my choice of living unmarried, my own family is not supporting me morally either..Indeed I only support myself morally as I lead my unmarried life so far..Life goes on even without moral support!
